Hopelessly Devoted to You, You and You

By ALEX WILLIAMS
October 3, 2008

LIKE many considerate boyfriends, Ed Vessel, a cognitive neuroscientist who lives in Brooklyn, bought a toothbrush for his steady girlfriend Diana Adams to keep at his apartment when she sleeps over. While Ms. Adams, a Cornell-educated lawyer, considered this touching, she was less pleased when she noticed the toothbrush that Mr. Vessel had bought for his other steady girlfriend when she slept over.

That Mr. Vessel had a second girlfriend was not the issue. All parties here are committed to polyamory, which for them means maintaining multiple steady relationships, with the knowledge and consent of all involved. The problem was that the other woman’s toothbrush was “a really fancy one that says ‘Primo’ on it, and mine is a junky one that says ‘Duane Reade,’ ” said Ms Adams, 29. For about a month, she was a little miffed every single time she brushed her teeth.

The two eventually talked — polyamory involves a lot of talking — and they now laugh about it. “I just decided that this was an example of a jealousy that is not warranted,” Ms. Adams said. the rest