Remembering my Father-in-law: Raymond E. Dague 1919-2011

Today, my husband's father, also named Raymond, died at 92 years of age.   Raymond has been in Milwaukee since Tuesday when he heard his father was near death, but will be coming home today.  The funeral will be sometime next week. -PD image

October 6, 2011

When I first met my future husband’s dad, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I had heard about him from my then boyfriend, his son, but coming from a lower middle class working family and knowing that he was a big corporate executive (an international vice-president of Allis Chalmers) I had some trepidation. Raymond would talk of his dad’s travels to many countries in the world and his meetings with high government officials. I had thought I was somewhat cosmopolitan in the fact that I had traveled to the Daytona and Virginia beaches and even to York, Maine, but that concept was dashed when I realized how my travels paled in comparison to his experiences.

Raymond Sr. was kind and gentle to this shy young woman who would be his future daughter-in-law, but I could see that he was a strong, dynamic personality and the type to be in charge of things. He was a self-made man, and he had pride in the fact that despite coming from an extremely poor upbringing in Port Kent on Lake Champlain, he had worked hard, eventually putting himself through Cornell Ag School. He married his wife Ruth on Thanksgiving Day 1951 and started a family that grew to four children, Raymond being the firstborn, then Ron, Larry and Sue. You could say he loved his work, but he loved his family even more. His concern for them was paramount above all things. I personally have never heard a disrespectful comment about his wife or his children and as no family is without problems, this was a remarkable thing to me.

In his spare time, he was an avid fisherman and took great pleasure in this activity and in taking care of his boat. He also loved his garden and yard work. These were his escapes from the pressures of life. When the time came, he eased fairly well into retirement, and except for the last few years when the feebleness of extreme old age and no little measure of infirmity had overtaken him, I would say he did go into that good night with a goodly measure of grace.

He was a great storyteller and loved to tell of his life experiences. (As his son Raymond would say-I’ve heard that one many times before.) One story-actually more of a commentary-which I remember most was this: he would say life is like a park bench. You start at one end of the bench when you are born and as you grow older you move toward the other end of the bench and eventually fall off giving way to the next generation. It was his pragmatic way of reminding us of the mortality that comes to us all.

I cannot speak with certainty of anyone’s faith journey, but it was important to him to be at Mass every Sunday and he was always reverential about the things of God. While I know that we do not earn our salvation by doing what is right, but by trusting in what Jesus has done for us, many in his generation did not so much talk of their faith, but demonstrated their belief by walking in integrity as much as possible in this mortal life. He did just that. In his later years, he and my husband would have many a conversation about God, which told me of his interest in these things. What I am certain of is that we can entrust him to the mercy of a loving Father Who created him and Who alone knows his heart.

Dad D.-I am honored to have known you and to have had you as my father-in-law.

Love, Pat